


Everything, Everything, Everything.

by applestain



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: All hurt no comfort, Angst, Established Relationship, Jaytim - Freeform, M/M, Nightmare, Sorry guys, are we in a loop are we in a loop are we in a loop, dream logic is weird logic, fear stemmed from previous losses, tim has a nightmare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 07:43:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17421764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/applestain/pseuds/applestain
Summary: Tim and Jason are together, live together, have a loving relationship. But dear ol'Timbo has a nightmare about losing Jason.





	Everything, Everything, Everything.

 

　　　　Tim didn’t often remember his dreams, too many times he found that he slept too little - or woke up just long enough to let whatever remained of his dream dissipate from existence and in its place, let the sensation of relief permeate after slipping clumsily into the bathroom for little more than five minutes. He had gotten used to the occurrence, even doubted the fact that he dreamed at all but never once felt bad for it. The few times he did remember them or seemed to have any, Tim always felt the awkwardness afterwords. The strange feeling of not being able to differentiate whether he liked the dream, felt uncomfortable by the false memories, or was just glad not to dream about being in the passenger side of a car, the compartment narrowing with the passing of each anxiety driven moment. He wasn’t quite sure when his last nightmare had occurred, but there had been enough distance between now and then to keep any worry at bay.

　　　　

　　　　Night after night, Jason’s scent filled his lungs. His warmth, even when they weren’t embracing at night, kept that feeling of safety and security. However, there had been a lingering sensation of guilt. As though he owed Jason a disclaimer that he never had the courage to give him. Maybe it was his embarrassment to bring up any such superstition or nonsensical belief in curses. Tim was the logical one of them, and while he was also one of the youngest, he still held himself up to a certain standard that required some humility. And that included the belief that he was so special as to garner the one and only curse in the world that affected the people he loved. As though, he were important enough to make their suffering about himself. Voicing that fear only fueled Tim’s supposition on the matter of his own narcissism.

　　　　

　　　　That night he had fallen asleep easily, Jason hadn’t joined him for bed immediately but Tim did well enough to bury his face into the other’s pillow, smelling the remnants of Jason’s shampoo and natural scent blended into the fabric. His dreams, even the most surreal, always felt more like reality than they probably should. Even while he walked through a particularly long hallway, his hand dragging along some hard surface as he could barely make out the hazy image of warm colored trees just outside the window. It was autumn, Tim could feel the chill nip at his skin and the smell of dry grass just starting to seep into his dream.

　　　　

　　　　Though he couldn’t quite make out the exact color of Jason’s sweater, something told him it was a deep orange color. Maybe instinct. He had never seen him in that particular hue, but it looked natural on him, inviting enough to touch even when the color changed to a gentle red and leather shade. Tim could almost see his face perfectly, the light was too bright on him but it being a dream, he never felt the compulsion to squint or shield his eyes. Instead, they were directed to Jason’s hands and how gently their fingers brushed against one another while he led Tim through an empty parking lot. Though he had no idea how they arrived there, Tim followed happily, not even worried about their absent car or the fact that he didn’t remember taking money with him.

　　　　

　　　　“What are we getting?” Tim remembered asking the other man who thought for a moment while he turned around, taking several steps backwards while he kept his eyes on the teen. Jason smiled.  
　　　　 “Everything.”  
　　　　

　　　　Eyeing Jason’s grin, Tim felt the compulsion to reach up and grab his cheek, pinching the skin between two fingers. By now, they were already inside the grocery store, tucked away in an empty aisle while he pressed the tip of his nose gently to Jason’s chin then felt the warmth of his arms slither around him. He could feel bare skin now, and the thick sweater he had on before had changed to something simpler. It was summer for a moment, both wearing short sleeved shirts while the cool of the fridges just an aisle away kept a sharp tinge of cold on their skin. Tim hardly thought about it, he only nuzzled Jason and resisted the urge to do anything more in the shopping center.

　　　　

　　　　“Come on, we need to actually start getting things.” Tim heard Jason’s voice in his ear and he whined, stayed in his arms for another few moments before pulling away reluctantly.

　　　　

　　　　“Where’s the shopping cart?” Tim could have sworn it was right next to them while they were locked in their embrace. It was full, wasn’t it? He could only remember what was on top, laid across the child seat… but he wasn’t quite sure why it was toy if they were there for groceries. “Where is it?” The teen glanced around a little longer and walked to the end of the aisle and onto the next one.  
　　　　  
　　　　 “We’ll get another one.” He heard Jason say somewhere behind him, but Tim didn’t turn around just yet, as he assumed that walking back would be easy. Once he was in the next aisle however, he tried to list off everything they had in the cart incase they happened upon someone that may have taken theirs. Was it a holiday? Was there something of value inside that would make people competitive for items?  
　　　　  
　　　　Carrots

　　　　Milk

　　　　Vegetables

　　　　and...

　　　　….And something else.  
　　　　  
　　　　 Tim pondered the last item, wondering if they needed meat while he turned back to rejoin Jason. Rounding the corner, Tim hesitated, now finding it empty. Was this the same aisle? It looked different. No, it was the same one, it had to be, all he did was walk to the other side.  
　　　　  
　　　　“Jason?” Tim called his name, not yet shouting and feeling a little too mortified to speak any louder now that he could see there were other people in the store, some passing by with their baskets or carts and getting too close. It was crowded.

　　　　

　　　　“Have you seen him?” Tim grabbed the arm of another person, “The guy that came with me, he’s tall...has white strands on his hair.” He was moving both his hands, trying to signal to his own hair and let the tips of his fingers show the height of his companion. The other person, however, remained silent. They walked slowly passed Tim, eyes on him and mouth shut before turning away and Tim could only suddenly remember seeing the floor, the mess of shoes walking over a burned spot on wood and lack of space to walk.

　　　　

　　　　Squeezing his way through the never ending hall of people, Tim tried to worm his way out to the last aisle he had been in but just then, he thought he had seen a flicker of orange and caught the scent of Jason’s shampoo. Tim followed it and called out the other’s name, hoping to catch Jason’s attention until suddenly he had blinked and was no longer in the grocery store. Around him was the familiar sight of their belongings. The green rug at the entrance, the bowl for their keys, and the coat rack with both their jackets hung by the front door.  
　　　　  
　　　　“Almost ready?” Jason walked over by the coat rack, the rug in front of the door was suddenly gone.

　　　　

　　　　“Where were you? I was looking for you.” Tim chose to ignore the question while he crossed his arms to watch the taller male as he flashed him an amused look. Something about the expression frustrated Tim, making him feel like he was always one step ahead of him or was somehow privy to information he was not yet aware of.

　　　　

　　　　Though there were no more spoken words, moments passed and they were still standing in the same place, but somehow Tim remembered having a conversation in those moments of silence and suddenly, he was getting ready to go to the grocery store. It felt like redoing a scene, like pressing rewind to undo the mistake of asking Jason where he was.  
　　　　  
　　　　“Almost ready?” Jason spoke again, swinging on a jacket that disappeared as soon as Tim looked away for a moment.

　　　　

　　　　“Yeah, let me just turn off the t.v.” Tim wasn’t aware of the TV being on, but something in his mind told him it was. He turned his back to Jason, who seemed to be putting on his jacket again despite there being a copy of it still on the coat rack, and made his way into the living room.

　　　　  
　　　　Looking for the remote, Tim searched the couch, then the table where he saw it laying in a small woven basket he remembered Alfred had put in the common area of the manor.

　　　　

　　　　They were in the manor.

　　　　

　　　　Colors were muted, cloudy, there was some warmth in the lighting but overall there was no vibrancy. Walking back and hoping to find his way to Jason’s hideout, Tim dragged his fingers along the walls, feeling the cold hard surface and catching the warm light from a window. Outside there were warm colored trees, hues of yellow, red, and brown and the smell of dry grass reaching his nose. Jason was by the door, the rug wasn’t there and his jacket still on the coat rack while he finished putting it on.  
　　　　  
　　　　“Did you turn off the TV?” He asked, and for some reason Tim couldn’t quite understand why he couldn’t see his face, just the light and that deep orange sweater.

“I don’t know.” Tim responded, struggling to remember whether or not he really did grab the remote to turn it off. But that was at the manor wasn’t it? He turned off the wrong tv?  
Turning around again, Tim heard Jason’s hand on the door knob. It rattled and he could even hear a key being used, despite them being on the inside of the hide out.

　　　　  
　　　　 This time turning off the TV came easily, Tim picked up the remote and set it back down in the woven basket and Jason was still there opening the door or putting on his jacket, Tim wasn’t sure but the light peered through the opening, flooding the entrance while Jason stepped out and held the door open for Tim to follow. With a brisk jog, Tim tried to catch up, placed his hand on the door, pulling it open just a bit more when he heard a long hiss.  
　　　　  
　　　　 Uncertain, confused and with no time to think, Tim’s eyes went from the ground, to Jason’s legs and his back, then to what he was still holding. His heart began to pound, and he froze at the doorway - the hiss was still loud in his ears and he wasn’t sure how much time passed between now and when it began but as Tim inhaled sharply and as his lungs filled to capacity, there was a loud and clear explosion and a sharp pain in his ears at the sudden sound. The earth shook, the house rattled and the door flew off the hinges as he was pushed back into the house with it. He felt the heat and adrenaline rush through him, the uncertainty of whether or not he was still alive, but as he glanced about himself, Tim could only see their burned belongings then caught the smell of Jason’s shampoo. Again, his heart was pounding as he struggled to find the other male in the rubble of their home. ‘He was outside!’ Tim thought while he began to pray and beg for him to have moved. ‘He moved’, Tim chanted to himself, despite the fact that he clearly remembered seeing his back turned and the hiss of whatever had exploded so close to him. He remembered seeing Jason’s shoulders tense in that split second before he was engulfed. Did he see his limbs torn from his body? Tim wasn’t sure even while the scene played out in his head like a memory he didn’t remember seeing in the short seconds the explosion took to destroy everything.  
　　　　  
　　　　“Jason?” He called out for him this time a little louder than he did in the store. He looked at the ground, the grass outside their home. It looked new, in tact, and then suddenly, it was broken concrete. Unsure why things were changing, Tim looked up frantically, choosing to ignore it instead of focusing on something that didn’t demand his attention. He could feel the heaviness on his chest, and how his eyes even began to feel like they were being pulled by gravity. He didn’t cry immediately. He only began to panic.

　　　　

　　　　 He was standing outside their home, it looked normal now. Untouched and unbroken. Maybe walking inside would lead him to the other male? Maybe he would find him again. Opening the front door, Tim looked to the coat rack, Jason’s jacket was still there. For a moment, he felt the sensation of relief and excitement, his eyes welled up and he began to call out Jason’s name now more certain that Jason was in the house.

　　　　

　　　　Walking into their bedroom and finding it empty, Tim stared at their untouched bed silently for a moment before going into the bathroom to check if he was in there, he had thought he heard the shower running and was desperate to verify.

　　　　

　　　　It was off, the walls dry and the light blaringly bright. He had to turn it off almost as immediately and he walked into the hallway, touching the walls in an attempt to force himself earlier in his dream.  
　　　　  
　　　　“Almost ready?” He heard the voice, faintly, and his heart danced in response.

　　　　

　　　　“What are we getting?”

　　　　

　　　　Jason thought for a moment then smiled, “Everything.”

　　　　

　　　　Tim’s ears rang, ached, and the pain seared through his skull while he clutched at his head and felt the heat on his skin burning, then silence again.  
　　　　  
　　　　Looking up, Jason was gone but there was a human imprint burned into their wooden floor. Staring at it silently, Tim felt a heaviness in his chest and a pressure in his throat, tightening. “Jason?” His voice came out hoarse and weak. “Jason?” He repeated a little more desperately while he frowned, the corners of his mouth felt heavy now.

　　　　  
　　　　 Silence pervaded, the air thickened, and Tim’s lips quivered while he whimpered and he felt a pair of eyes watching him. “Where is he?!” Tim looked up, his hand gripping the arm of a person walking quietly in front of him. No response. They only stared back while he tried to pull them toward him. “He was here! Where did he go?!” Tim had broken into a  sob, his face felt heavy, his neck felt tight and his eyes felt unsteady and unfocused.  
　　　　  
　　　　“He’s right there.”

　　　　  
　　　　A disembodied voice answered, and Tim’s eyes darted right back to the charred wooden floor that seemed foreign in a supermarket setting. He choked. Held his breath then felt a sudden wave of grief and fear. The response only made him weep harder, the pain in his chest felt stronger and he grasped at the space between his ribs as though he could dig past them. Unable to recognize when he had lowered himself to the ground, Tim continued to wail, he could smell the fresh scent of his shampoo in the wood and see small orange fibers seared in.

　　　　

　　　　He didn’t know why he was still alive, why he had survived the blast, why Jason had to go without him, but the anguish wasn’t relieved by any amount of yowling. Pulling himself out of his dream when he felt his breathing hitch and become difficult in the real world, Tim continued to sob even when he tried to open his eyes but only saw the darkness of his and Jason’s bedroom. He curled up, despite being awake the pain in his chest didn’t subside. Confused between dream and reality for a few moments longer, Tim reached out next to him while he repeatedly asked for Jason in a broken voice, looking for the warm body to cling to and praying he didn’t have to wake up to his nightmare being his reality.

**Author's Note:**

> This one time, me and my RP partner (who plays my Jason)   
> we were in minecraft, right?  
> \--and well, we walked out of our house that we built together  
> and this creeper came  
>  **hissed** his ass off and exploded Jason right in front of my face.  
> I was traumatized for hours. HAHAHA 
> 
> this was produced from the shock.
> 
>  
> 
> anyway, I'm sorry if this was confusing for anyone.


End file.
